as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
