OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
