My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
