these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
