There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
