ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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