My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What a dumb baby whore.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
