She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
