Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
