so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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