I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize