Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Boobs speak an international language.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize