Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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