you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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