There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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