I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
