Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
