I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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