put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
