Apparently you make a good broom.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
