I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize