No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
