It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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