Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
