ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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