Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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