I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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