All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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