I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
