everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
