hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
