I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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