Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
