my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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