i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
