just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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