Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
