dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
