A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
