threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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