my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
