Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize