Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
