Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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