Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Success! We fucked roommates!
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