i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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