kristin has been a bad kristin
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
