oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
