i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
