i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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