She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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