At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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