he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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