It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
