Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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