my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
