Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
