I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
