Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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