Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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