is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
