omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
