I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
