You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
