im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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