ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize