i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
