You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
