i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize